The Olathe East Shooting: How To Talk To Your Kids
And Action Steps for Prevention
It was a mere 36 hours after the tragic news of the shooting at Olathe East that patients started showing up in my office.
Nightmares. Panic attacks. Anxiety spikes. Obsessive thoughts.
Although I have been able to address these issues in my office, it is clear that the kids seeing me in these immediate hours represent a fraction of the children who need help. The burden of firearm injury extends to entire communities, threatening our feeling of safety and security, and affecting our everyday decisions. We must work together to limit the impact of trauma that school shootings may bring.
How to Talk to Your Kids About the School Shooting:
For young kids:
If it does not directly affect your family, kids younger than 7 do not need to know about this event unless they are directly asking. It is okay to shield them from this news.
Young kids think of their family as the exact center of the world. This may lead to trouble articulating distress from the incident.
If your child is asking questions about the shooting:
Kids under the age of 7 need a one-sentence story. Short. Sweet. Simple.
Know that kids this age think very concretely about life events.
Listen and encourage personal expression.
Balance negative imagery with pictures of the people that came to rescue and help.
Reassure your child of their safety, and talk about ways that your family, your child’s school and other people in the community are doing to keep them safe.
Emphasize emergency drills. Be supportive of school-required active-shooter and emergency drills when your child is listening.
Save strong personal emotions for your adult community. Process your personal responses away from your children.
Limit and screen the news.
For 7-to 10-year olds:
Older children may feel sad, mad, or afraid that the event will happen again. Peers may share false information; however, parents or caregivers can correct the misinformation. Listen and encourage personal expression.
Ask what your kids know. Correct misinformation immediately.
Don’t over-talk. Wait for your kids to ask questions.
Make it a normal day. Young kids thrive on routine and expectation.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m scared, too.”
Reassure your child of their safety, and talk about ways that your family, your child’s school and other people in the community are doing to keep them safe.
Emphasize emergency drills. Be supportive of school-required active-shooter and emergency drills when your child is listening.
Save strong personal emotion for your adult community.
Take information breaks.
Talk with your pediatrician if you are worried about your child.
For preteens and teenagers:
Older children may focus on details of the event and may want to talk about it all the time or not want to talk about it at all. They may have trouble concentrating and have problems articulating their need for comfort. Some preteens and teenagers respond to trauma by acting out. This could include reckless driving and alcohol or drug use, others may become afraid to leave the home. Kids in crisis may cut back on how much time they spend with their friends, feeling overwhelmed by their intense emotions and feel unable to talk about them. Their emotions may lead to increased arguing and even fighting with siblings, parents/caregivers or other adults.
Understand how your child may be feeling, and how you may be reacting to the stress.
Watch your student’s behavior. Ask questions of any changes in your child’s behavior, framing it as a indicator they may need help. These discussion are best during daytime hours and not during the bedtime routine.
Maintain your home’s expectations and rules. Assure your child that when things stabilize, your direct monitoring may change.
Monitor changes in relationships. Allow kids’ flexibility in who they may connect with or relate.
Limit social media exposure. Give your child permission to step away from the stream of information and let the facts settle out.
Seek professional help. Lean into your pediatrician and local mental health experts to help guide your child through this crisis.
One Life-Saving Step
One way we can work together to limit youth violence, while being proactive in the prevention of death by suicide in our community’s youth, is preventing unauthorized access to firearms.
I understand discussion about gun safety is sensitive, to both firearm-owning people and non-firearm-owning people. So to be clear, this is not about gun ownership. The point of this message is to clarify that gun ownership carries inherent responsibly to avoid unauthorized access to your weapon. This means safe storage of weapons with sobering awareness of the consequences if these responsibilities are not followed.
I assure you that pediatricians do not care what type of weapons you may have, or how many you legally own. We are not putting anyone in secret databases or leaking information to the government. (Would we really have time for that?) What we care about is keeping our kids safe - in as many ways as we can. This includes car seats, vaccines, swim lessons, and gun storage.
The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages all pediatricians to talk about safe gun ownership with all families. The reason is simple: Safer storage of guns reduces injuries, and physician counseling linked with access to cable locks increases community safety.
We know:
The presence of a gun in the home significantly increases the risk of unintentional firearm death.
3 in 10 gun owners report proper safe storage of their weapon. This leaves millions of homes holding unsecured weapons that could lead to injury and death of children.
Most guns involved in firearm injuries are from the victim’s home, the home of a friend or relative, or property of the victim’s parent.
Reducing access to lethal means is an effective and important approach to reducing the risk of death by suicide in gun owners and the gun owner’s household members, including kids.
Death by suicide and unintentional firearm injury are lower when weapons are secured in the home.
We want our families who are firearm-owners to join firearm advocacy groups that will educate and provide high-quality safety training for firearm owners, while prioritizing efforts to keep the youth in their home protected from unauthorized firearm use. This concept is not unique or new to any gun owner, and should be part of anyone’s plan when they decide to purchase a weapon.
If you own a weapon and are a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, care provider or host kids in your home for playdates or parties…. Your weapon should be stored:
Locked
Unloaded
With ammunition in a separate location than the weapon
FREE gun locks are available at many locations throughout the Nation. Check here to find your local access point.
If you are a concerned parent, consider joining the local chapter of Moms Demand Action with Everytown: For Gun Safety.
Students, text STUDENTS to 64433 to join Students Demand Action.
Together, we can work through this tragedy in our community while working toward prevention of gun violence. If you are worried about your child’s mental health or need additional ways to heal from this event, please contact your pediatrician.
We are here to help.
If you found this helpful, please share with a friend. I want to ensure that our entire KC community and beyond has access to information they may need as we work through this crisis. If you have questions or comments, feel free to share below.